Sad days

We lost our baby. I was experiencing some dark spotting which everyone, including the nurse, told me was normal. I just knew that something was wrong, but I kept a positive outlook and pretended everything was okay. When I had bled for the 6th day straight I called the nurse and asked if I could come it. Pat got off work early and met me at the hospital. What was to come was the worst thing I have ever seen. We had an untrasound (very similar to the one we had less than 2 weeks ago) and we saw our baby....just still. Out hearts sank and we just bawled in the office.
It has been a day and it is not getting much easier. We have had an amazing outpour of support and love from our friends and family; for that we are truly blessed and grateful. I am bleeding and have some discomfort in my tummy. I have a pre op appointment tomorrow at 2 PM and have surgery early Friday morning. I am nervous for that but also am anxious to get it over with in a way.
I am so sad, but I know that with all the love and support from my friends, family and especially my amazing husband we will get through this. Everything happens for a reason, but for now I cannot swallow that. I just take every minute at a time and know that there will be a day that I can think of this and not cry. Until then, it helps to think that our baby is in heaven and we will always have a little guardian angel watching over us forever....
All my love,
BC

Here is my 'new' belly - 12 week old Bebe Connell

Check this baby out! Literally! I do have to come clean and let you know that I had a huge dinner and about 8.9 pounds of chocolate covered raisins at my Nana and Dapa's house tonight. However, as I promised, here is a new photo of my HUGE belly. And, yes, I know that when I am 9 months pregnant I will think this is a joke. But until then, I can honestly say that this is the biggest my belly has been since I was abroad in Europe.
I also realized after the photo was taken that it would have been much better if I was indeed barefoot.

12 weeks - How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: Reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over two inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

Week 10 - No longer Grape Baby, now Kumquat Baby now

Although he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby now has completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature. If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

First Photos of Baby C

July 31st was by far the coolest day of my life so far. We got to see photos of our little perfect baby! I had my 10 week appointment at my new doctor's nurse (who was amazing by the way!) and all we were expecting was for them to try to hear the heartbeat which I was very excited about. However I was trying to keep my hopes down just in case they could not find the heartbeat since that is can happen at this stage of the pregnancy. I had some problems earlier in the day with some bleeding from my bum, and though scary to bleed out of any part of your body, I did know that it was not going to harm our baby so that made it easier. Anyway, it still scared the crap out of me. I guess the bleeding can happen from the pressure in your tummy I learned, but I just have to keep an eye on it and we will discuss next appointment. But enough about me and my bloody bum. So needless to say I was a little on edge this appointment. So the nurse Julie came in and we were just chatting about the details - family health history, date of last period, how I have been feeling...etc. And then she goes "well, why don't I get the ultrasound machine now so we can see a photo of little one and verify everything is going well. How does that sound?" I was so excited but tried to keep it cool for some strange reason. "Okay, cool." I said. When she left I geeked out at Pat and was so excited - we were going to see our baby! I didn't think we could until September or October so this was just the most groovy surprise that has even been. She came back with her machine and off we went. It took a little bit for her to get "orientated" in there, but then there baby was. It is nuts because you can see baby moving and it's little heart beating like crazy. It was the most moving moment of my life. I hate to say it, but I really think out baby is probably the most perfect baby that has ever been on this earth. And I am not exaggerating. The good thing also is there is only one baby so the idea that we were having sextuplets went out the window. I was sure we were having multiples by the way my tummy is, but I guess baby just needs a really comfortable living quarters fully padded and roomy.
I did think I saw a penis in the photo, but Pat just thinks it is a leg. I told him that he wasn't giving himself enough credit, but we will have to wait until September 26 at 2:15 to really be able to determine the sex. Also, our baby was very active and moving all over the place - it kinda makes your heart flutter watching that. Baby looks like they are having just a fabulous time in there. Oh, and speaking of fabulous, nurse Julie said that our ultrasound looks "fabulous." I loved this comment for two reasons - firstly that our baby looked great and secondly that she used the word "fabulous." I knew that we would be great friends.
So there is it. Our first experience seeing our perfect little baby. The most amazing day of our life! I cannot wait to share more and go along this journey each day. Today this pregnancy really became "real." Not saying that it didn't feel amazing before, but a lot you had to imagine and you start thinking "Am I making this up?" or "Is this too good to be true?" or "Maybe I am just gaining weight and missing my period for months on end....that can happen." But today we got to see baby and what all the excitement is about. I just cannot believe that we saw our baby and in 7+ months we will be able to meet baby in person. Ok, I am crying. It's just so cool. Wow......
Love you all,
B, P and baby C