This week was pretty crazy and emotional! I had some spotting on Tuesday (well, a very little Monday) and it was the worst day of this pregnancy. I lifted a heavy bottle of water on Monday without thinking or at least thinking, but still acting. Lesson learned. I knew at that moment that something wasn't right. I just knew. So Monday when there was a little spotting I had a bad feeling. Tuesday it was very light but got worse. I was on the phone with Pat and just started bawling. The same feelings that I had in August came flowing uncontrollably back and I was so scared. Thankfully I was able to go into the doctor the next day. Our doctor met with us and tried to find the heartbeat - which she did! Let me tell you, the 30 seconds you wait to hear the heartbeat of your child are the longest 30 seconds of your life. The heartbeat was 166 - very strong and great. Initially I didn't feel much better. I still cried in the doctors office. I felt that I didn't get all the information I needed to feel comforted. Last time we had seen the heartbeat and saw our baby on the ultrasound. Last time when I had brown spotting everyone said it was a good sign and very normal. Last time I didn't have stomach cramping and the nurses always said that was great. So it was so hard for me to now think of that "last time" and realize that this pregnancy is different than our last. That this little angel is not the same one that is in heaven now.
So days past and the spotting got lighter and lighter. I started to "feel" pregnant again and let myself believe that everything was going to be okay. That felt good again.
Today is Friday and I have had so spotting all day! YEAH! Still every time I go to the bathroom my stomach drops as check to see if there is any spotting. But today my stomach doesn't drop quite as fast. I am not holding my breath as long. I feel better.
I am taking it easy recently. I realized that lifting heavy things is stupid and I will always kick myself for it. Though it doesn't cause a miscarriage, I would have never forgave myself if something bad happened and we couldn't find our baby's heartbeat. You blame yourself for everything and I cannot handle that again! Maybe it was this combine with the busy holiday weekend. I will remember that even though I feel okay, I am still pregnant and have to take care of my body. It is making a growing baby for crying out loud! I forgot for a moment what a huge deal (the biggest ever!) that is and what an amazing honor it is to have a living life inside of you that you are responsible for.
So I am letting my body rest and regroup after the long holiday weekend and the lifting "incident."I get in my PJs after work and watch our new TV. It is amazing. Pat is amazing and is really helping comfort me and taking over all the chores. So as I sit here blogging and watching Law and Order, Pat is cleaning the house. Yeah for amazing husbands!
We have an ultrasound on Tuesday and now instead of being nervous that we are going to find something wrong, I am excited to see our baby and make sure everything is right. I do think that I will finally breath easy. I am so excited for that day! To finally really exhale! Every day that goes by that I feel good and don't have any spotting I am thankful for that great day. I also am trying to let go and give it up to God. I have to trust in Him that everything will be okay and it is out of my hands. It is the only way I will get through this.
We are so thankful for all the support from our friends and family. It helped me in the last few days knowing that I had amazing people thinking of us and sending us positive thoughts and prayers. Our baby is lucky and so are we!
xoxo
Here is my 13.5ish week belly. I have been feeling awesome lately (beside the occasional headache when I don't get enough rest) but loving being pregs. 
(this photo is of the side view of our baby)
And as promised, here is me with my little baby tummy. Pat and I went shopping a lot in the past couple weeks for maternity clothes that I am now wearing 100% of the time. It is just crazy how quickly my body has changed to house this little baby. I put on my first pair of maternity jeans on December 3rd and have not gone back since. They are the most amazing things in the world. Even non maternity tops now are too short. I have completely switched out my closest and have only 100% maternity clothes which makes it a lot easier to get dressed in the morning. So fun! It feels so wonderful to feel so pregnant and to know that today our baby is as healthy as can be. So I will just continue to pray and put all my trust in God. This will be quite the ride!